my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize