he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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