I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
