I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
