i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Randomize