My Higher Power is John Stamos
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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