My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
