Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
