she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
