he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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