At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
