i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
