Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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