Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
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