I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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