if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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