And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
