JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm passing your future prison.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You are the jesus of drinking
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
