if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
