Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
When are your genitals available?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
