you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
