Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
