her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
