He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
