Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
