It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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