Do you still have your period?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
