Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
