Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
