Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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