While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
