I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
