I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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