it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You made out with two different species that night
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
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