Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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