you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
