Heybabeimwearingurpanties
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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