Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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