I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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