Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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