I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
being pregnant is like rehab
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
