Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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