i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
