If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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