Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
