I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
