No awkward lesbian experiences without me
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
