You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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