a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize