the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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