I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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