How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
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