i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
