I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
