I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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