do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
