Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
