it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
