I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
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