God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm determined to sit on that face.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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