Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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