So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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