so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
