took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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