That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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