I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
