Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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