I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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