You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
he puts the penis in happiness.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
