I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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