The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
