i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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