Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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