evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
